Blue. Heart. Jewel.

I bought a necklace just like this on our beach trip several years ago. I always loved them since I can remember. Maybe its my passion towards the Titanic and the "heart of the ocean".

I wore that necklace in my profile picture. I wore it non stop till the necklace it self broke. I still have the heart and always wanted to get a nice sturdy necklace for it.
Now since daddy passed (the day after) I have.wore the golden heart he gave me on my sixteen birthday. But I do miss my blue jewel.
I always feel so blue....

Werid Dream? A Reflection on Myself

Hello world.

I had this werid dream about myself the other night. Ive had it on my mind the last couple of days so I remembered a website I use to go to and thought I would check it out again and read up since its been awhile.
From my point of view on what happened in the dream and what the symbols expressed I got that maybe:

1) Me being in a vehicle with my husband driving
- A Vehicle symbol representing yourself. Are you driving (in control), in the back or passenger seat (not in control). Is your mother driving? Perhaps she has too much control of your life. A bus may symbolize yourself and the passengers aspects of your personality.

2)  Us being in a car crash where the other vehicle crashed onto myside and my husband getting out but I am physically hurt
- Dreaming on a car crash shows the dreamer is afraid of loosing control of his life. He or she wants to make a real change in the course of life and don't know how to accomplish this change

3) Me being in the hospital, seeing my family but unconscious
- Healing. Confinement. Divine hopes. Ready to heal. If you dream that you are a patient in a hospital. you will have a contagious disease in your community, and will narrowly escape affliction. If you visit patients there, you will hear distressing news of the absent.

4) I saw my family cry in church. I saw all these beautiful flowers around my casket. Unfortunate thats where I woke up.
- Death or dying in a dreath most often represents changes in one's life, something is coming to an end. Very seldom does death symbolize true dying of a person. The old is dying and with the death of the old comes new beginnings. The death and resurrection of Christ is a good example in mythology of the death motif. What it represents is the death of the egoself and its resurrection to a spiritual realization.
A dead person in a dream may relate to past relationships with that particular person. If the dead person is you then consider your true condition as you see it, I feel dead because of my job, life, relationships, etc. Or death may simply represent your anxiety about dying.

Uhmm.  so with everything thats going on. When I stand back it makes since. I have been waiting to get outta mamas house, Ive been applying everywhere to find a job. I do want a.change. I want this part of my life over with already. I want to go back to where we were in our own place and happy. I have tried to make so many changes but I feel like im not getting anywhere.
I guess since we got our tax money today we can finally can. But Chris wants to buy him a new vehicle. I really dont want him too.
I also want to give my sister some.money towards Daddys funeral bill. :(
Im still torn about this dream. I know its trying to tell me something important. Uhhhh!! :-[
Why does it have to be so hard. I miss the simple things. Just like the picture I found. 
I feel like that. Trying to look for an answer and I should look at the reflection that I give out. Oh there is a thousand different ideas I can pull out of this picture.

Well. Natalie just went to sleep so since this is the first time in at least 4 days shes went to sleep since 1am, I guess i will just roll over and try to sleep myself.
Night all. <3

Snowy Cold Day

Just took photos from inside all day. As soon as we would get snow it would melt. It was so pretty coming down this morning. :)
Wished it was more but thankful it wasn't a bad storm.
<3

Where does the time go..

Hello all out there.. It's being so long since I got to get on here to even try and update anything :( It has been about the same thing every day. Either trying not to go insane or just keeping my head above water. I just hope something changes soon. It has been so stressful and I dont know how much more I can take. Just glad to have great friends in my life. Dont always g et to talk to them but when I do its wonderful. They know who they are! Some days I really miss Daddy. There is so much I wish I could share with him. Its hard to even try to talk about it. I cherish the memories I have and will just do my best to honor him. On a side note it snowed today and it was so pretty coming down. I know how much he loved watching and sight seening afterwards. Well I might try to post something again and alot sooner next time. I need to go figure out whats for dinner i am so tired sleep sounds good to me! Much love xxxx

"Simple Hello's From Heaven"

I will try to keep this short..

Simple Hello's From Heaven - That's a phrase that I tell myself when I see a lady bug now. Daddy is looking down and saying hello from Heaven. Letting me know he hears me and is watching over me.
I just can't tell you how these ladybugs come and go at the right times but I can tell you I enjoy them. I hope it never ends. :)

- Daddy, I miss you. I miss simple things we did that brings the tears flow at night. I hate I didnt have much time to spend with you. I enjoined talking with you all the time. You always made me feel better afterwards.  I wish I could have asked you so many different questions. Would love to hear more of your stories. I will never forget about the ones Ive heard with Uncle Jimmy, Mama and the pink panther!! :)
well.. my eyes are way to burry to continue  ..

Good Night Daddy, I love you.

Playing with my photo app.. Daddy<3

Photos from my phone of Daddy, me and mama included.

Daddy, may your working hands and body rest <3

Defeat, Lost & Love

"Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Og Mandino

Oh were to start. My life has been upside down but thankfully someone heard I needed a special person to take some pain away cause I am so happy to be back in contact. :) It really does feel great to smile and feel love again! If only..i could have it 24/7

I miss my home, yet there really wasnt anything happy to say about it. I miss trying to make a happy home is more like it.

I miss my freedom. That went away years ago and I just accepted defeat. Thinking I am doing the right thing. I was and I am killing myself. Why should I have took the first one that came after a broken heart. I should have said no. I should have waited. I should have listen to others. But then again. It was a lesson learned the hard way..

I miss my father. I miss our talks, our laughs and everything in between. But I know I have him as a Angel looking down. I know he hated to know when I was down, he helped the best way he could. He always wanted the best for me and told me all the time. I think he wouldn't mind me saying this but sometimes you must move on to do better. I will do my best as a promise to him.

Now with the sad parts
- had to move in with my mom. Which she helps me when I am down and I do love her.. She is just very negative sometimes and says things that hurt me but I take them to heart. I take them with a blank expression that later on brings me to tears.
- money is very tight. But everyone has this happing in todays world.
- cant believe them lowlifes who who broke in and stole all them things out of my storage unit. You have no idea how this gets under my skin. Daddy always told us to "get off our rears and get a job and earn money the decent way. You will have more pride and joy that way."
- I miss Willie. I miss my little protective barking doggie... My lil foot warmer...

and all these losses just makes me enjoy the little things that do make me smile..
I am glad that I have someone to make me smile and feel loved. Its the best feeling ever.
Too bad I can be beside him now. I really need a hug and some loving arms to fall asleep in. :)

Photo of my dad at church on old fashion day. This is such a good one. More to follow later.