story of a girl... edited

Me again.. yet I should be in bed I am up with my heart hurting and my head swimming in thought. nd why ... because sometimes the small things a person can say will hold onto someone and really make them.feel like they are useless. I did not have a good night and haven't had a great morning either. I guess I just try hard at everything I yet some people say that I am not. well have you spoke to me personal about it. no u just take your anger out on me and yet a piece of me keeps dieing. Its driving me crazy I just try my best at everything that I do but I feel lke a big ol disappointment. i feel like sometimes I am just loosing a battle with my brain and my heart. maybe if i was born earlier and in the era that I love so much or heck a bit older I wonder how my life would be so different. Would i have went another path in life. Omy lord where did this kid find the energy to run aroke she does. She has been up all night and running back and forth. I hate it when she gets on her fathers pattern. absoulte sucks.... I hurt. my heart hurts. my brain hurts. Im tired. im exhausted. i am broken.x Used to ... Be happier, in better shape, me. What happen to make me feel that I have no way out that I don't hold any life. Can we get this back to where it use to be... (great song. listening to it now. Chris Daughtry is wonderful.) Well i am gonna go get cleaned up, change my clothes and I guess wait on Chris to hey home. ...

insomnia sucks/ weird sleep pattern sucks!

Well here I am again. And pretty much like the title says.. I have had quite the week. WAY to much stuff is breaking down aund me. really mad at my laptop going up and my stupid self not having a backup flash drive of all my work :( I had so many.pictures and documents from my family tree history that I can't get back its okay all that hard work.just don't seem to work with me.. I am trying to type this on a new phone. Yup even my phone died. and this one.has a smaller keyboard so I am sorry for some typing errors. Least i had a good day today! Got to watch a movie well it was stand comedy with Chris before he went to work. it was really nice to be able to do that. I am thinking about trying to get a part time job closer to me. we just have way to many bills. mostly hospital bills and i hate to see Chris work hard and me i feel like i don't do enough to bring in the household. i do miss working just like i miss school. so bad. Oh yeah i gotta go to mcc and.fix a billing problem :( well i better get some sleep before Natalie wakes me up. i am just too pumped. i did 5 miles on the treadmill before I laid down and my hand is going asleep. Well i will be back. Please be kind everyone. i know that I have heard of so much hate here lately. Listening to Train and Chris Daughtry :) good night.