Where does the time go..

Hello all out there.. It's being so long since I got to get on here to even try and update anything :( It has been about the same thing every day. Either trying not to go insane or just keeping my head above water. I just hope something changes soon. It has been so stressful and I dont know how much more I can take. Just glad to have great friends in my life. Dont always g et to talk to them but when I do its wonderful. They know who they are! Some days I really miss Daddy. There is so much I wish I could share with him. Its hard to even try to talk about it. I cherish the memories I have and will just do my best to honor him. On a side note it snowed today and it was so pretty coming down. I know how much he loved watching and sight seening afterwards. Well I might try to post something again and alot sooner next time. I need to go figure out whats for dinner i am so tired sleep sounds good to me! Much love xxxx

"Simple Hello's From Heaven"

I will try to keep this short..

Simple Hello's From Heaven - That's a phrase that I tell myself when I see a lady bug now. Daddy is looking down and saying hello from Heaven. Letting me know he hears me and is watching over me.
I just can't tell you how these ladybugs come and go at the right times but I can tell you I enjoy them. I hope it never ends. :)

- Daddy, I miss you. I miss simple things we did that brings the tears flow at night. I hate I didnt have much time to spend with you. I enjoined talking with you all the time. You always made me feel better afterwards.  I wish I could have asked you so many different questions. Would love to hear more of your stories. I will never forget about the ones Ive heard with Uncle Jimmy, Mama and the pink panther!! :)
well.. my eyes are way to burry to continue  ..

Good Night Daddy, I love you.

Playing with my photo app.. Daddy<3

Photos from my phone of Daddy, me and mama included.

Daddy, may your working hands and body rest <3

Defeat, Lost & Love

"Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Og Mandino

Oh were to start. My life has been upside down but thankfully someone heard I needed a special person to take some pain away cause I am so happy to be back in contact. :) It really does feel great to smile and feel love again! If only..i could have it 24/7

I miss my home, yet there really wasnt anything happy to say about it. I miss trying to make a happy home is more like it.

I miss my freedom. That went away years ago and I just accepted defeat. Thinking I am doing the right thing. I was and I am killing myself. Why should I have took the first one that came after a broken heart. I should have said no. I should have waited. I should have listen to others. But then again. It was a lesson learned the hard way..

I miss my father. I miss our talks, our laughs and everything in between. But I know I have him as a Angel looking down. I know he hated to know when I was down, he helped the best way he could. He always wanted the best for me and told me all the time. I think he wouldn't mind me saying this but sometimes you must move on to do better. I will do my best as a promise to him.

Now with the sad parts
- had to move in with my mom. Which she helps me when I am down and I do love her.. She is just very negative sometimes and says things that hurt me but I take them to heart. I take them with a blank expression that later on brings me to tears.
- money is very tight. But everyone has this happing in todays world.
- cant believe them lowlifes who who broke in and stole all them things out of my storage unit. You have no idea how this gets under my skin. Daddy always told us to "get off our rears and get a job and earn money the decent way. You will have more pride and joy that way."
- I miss Willie. I miss my little protective barking doggie... My lil foot warmer...

and all these losses just makes me enjoy the little things that do make me smile..
I am glad that I have someone to make me smile and feel loved. Its the best feeling ever.
Too bad I can be beside him now. I really need a hug and some loving arms to fall asleep in. :)

Photo of my dad at church on old fashion day. This is such a good one. More to follow later.

story of a girl... edited

Me again.. yet I should be in bed I am up with my heart hurting and my head swimming in thought. nd why ... because sometimes the small things a person can say will hold onto someone and really make them.feel like they are useless. I did not have a good night and haven't had a great morning either. I guess I just try hard at everything I yet some people say that I am not. well have you spoke to me personal about it. no u just take your anger out on me and yet a piece of me keeps dieing. Its driving me crazy I just try my best at everything that I do but I feel lke a big ol disappointment. i feel like sometimes I am just loosing a battle with my brain and my heart. maybe if i was born earlier and in the era that I love so much or heck a bit older I wonder how my life would be so different. Would i have went another path in life. Omy lord where did this kid find the energy to run aroke she does. She has been up all night and running back and forth. I hate it when she gets on her fathers pattern. absoulte sucks.... I hurt. my heart hurts. my brain hurts. Im tired. im exhausted. i am broken.x Used to ... Be happier, in better shape, me. What happen to make me feel that I have no way out that I don't hold any life. Can we get this back to where it use to be... (great song. listening to it now. Chris Daughtry is wonderful.) Well i am gonna go get cleaned up, change my clothes and I guess wait on Chris to hey home. ...

insomnia sucks/ weird sleep pattern sucks!

Well here I am again. And pretty much like the title says.. I have had quite the week. WAY to much stuff is breaking down aund me. really mad at my laptop going up and my stupid self not having a backup flash drive of all my work :( I had so many.pictures and documents from my family tree history that I can't get back its okay all that hard work.just don't seem to work with me.. I am trying to type this on a new phone. Yup even my phone died. and this one.has a smaller keyboard so I am sorry for some typing errors. Least i had a good day today! Got to watch a movie well it was stand comedy with Chris before he went to work. it was really nice to be able to do that. I am thinking about trying to get a part time job closer to me. we just have way to many bills. mostly hospital bills and i hate to see Chris work hard and me i feel like i don't do enough to bring in the household. i do miss working just like i miss school. so bad. Oh yeah i gotta go to mcc and.fix a billing problem :( well i better get some sleep before Natalie wakes me up. i am just too pumped. i did 5 miles on the treadmill before I laid down and my hand is going asleep. Well i will be back. Please be kind everyone. i know that I have heard of so much hate here lately. Listening to Train and Chris Daughtry :) good night.

Too long..

Its been to long since I've got on here. Things have been crazy around here. Still holding on to hope and riding the wave while it last. we were going to go to the beach this weekend but not only does Chris have to work overtime..we just decided to wait. :( but its okay I will get there sometime. miss the beach so much and Natalie enjoined it. Chris likes working at Georgia Pacific. I am just glad he got the job. really helps things around here. Natalie birthday is on the 22. I can't believe she is going to be.four! seems likeyesterday. I remember that hot day in July when I had her. Nothing can make me forget that day... right now after getting up at five this morning she couldn't help it any longer. she fell asleep on me. I am watching a little tv waiting till Chris comes home. we've got to go to the store and go around town. well i will make sure that i try to write more later. peace and love <3